Now I've told my story, It becomes clearer to me what the shame was about: I had been raised to be a good 'Englishman' and not be emotional, "big boys don't cry" "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" etc. Yet I was hurting inside. Terribly. It made me more sensitive to the suffering of others, and I compared my own suffering to theirs, and I thought that my story was 'a walk in the park' compared to theirs. So I told myself what I had so often been told by my parents and teachers: "Stop being wet" "Toughen up" "Man up". in other words, I learnt to believe that my own suffering was not important enough to be heard. Nobody wanted to listen. Everyone had enough problems of their own, without having to listen to mine. So I felt ashamed to be aware of my own suffering. And learnt to hide it. More and more effectively. I became so good at it, now when I open up, people can hardly believe me, because I appear so 'together'. It's not good. It's not true.