Ctyree @Ctyree@dingdash.com

@HollySaxby Part 11
And that brings me up to date. With shame moved away, I am now confronted by the traumas almost constantly. I am trying to find someone to help me work through them and process the memories in a healthy way. At the moment they feel like a large body of water, dark and menacing, held back by a huge dam. The Lord wants to help me, but I’m not sure where to turn. I’m trusting Him, and putting out some feelers. And in the mean time, getting on with serving Him with what strength and health I have available.

@HollySaxby Part 8
By this time I had left the Anglican church, and moved to fellowship with a healing ministry. Within a few years I was beginning to feel differently unwell. And doctors couldn’t explain why. I was getting visual field disturbance, fatigue, bodily changes, emotional changes, and various seemingly unconnected symptoms, but clearly distinct from M.E. It took several more years before a tumour was found in my head, just under my brain, on the pituitary gland. I’ve told you about this Holly, since you so kindly asked.

Sadly, the normal treatment didn’t seem to be making the expected difference. And I am still a mystery to the top endocrinologists in the country to this day. The top Endocrinologists are still doing tests, tinkering with doses of hormones and tumour-shrinking drugs, and sending me off to get other conditions explored. When one world-leading Professor (who I’m pretty sure was a believer) retired he said to me:

@HollySaxby Part 9
“Endocrinology is a very new field of science. The first hormone was only isolated 50 years ago. We have probably only discovered 30% of the hormones in the human body. It seems highly possible that the reason we can’t get you more well has to do with hormones we are yet to discover.” What a humble man. I do miss him.

Since being healed of M.E., The Lord has done wonderful things in my life, and dealt with so many areas of physical and inner healing, and most importantly given me a love for and a grounding in the word of God. I am so thankful. Yet there has always remained this sense of shame. I knew some of the scriptures on shame, glorious and liberating, but they hadn’t dropped into the depths of my soul which was deeply wounded and convinced of my deserving of shame. I had cried out to The Lord for many decades to make His Word a reality in this area of my life.

@HollySaxby Part 7
Over half way through now!
My theological library started to become a looming temptation to me, and I knew that my tendency towards pride and arrogance could weaken my resolve, so I asked The Lord what to do with it all. It had cost me thousands of pounds after all, and I really could do with that money now. It seemed the perfect solution to sell it, but The Lord game me no peace to do so. I was kind of relieved, but also intrigued. Perhaps He wanted me to go back to it soon? But within days I knew I had to get rid of it. I have since then taken to reading the Bible alone. It later became clear why The Lord wanted me to make such a radical step, as my health was about to take another chronic decline, and I would become unable to read more than a sentence or two for over a decade. But when those sentences were the Word of God, they were sufficient. It was a period of feeding my spirit on the Word alone. It also became life and health to all my flesh.

ESPN lost tons of $ on NFL and NBA last year because of their political stance - so now they are leaching on to UFC?
I can't pay for PPV without ESPN subscription.
I want to watch the fight tonight - but not that bad.
NOT giving my money to #Blacklivesmatter.

When you've lived long enough and walked with God long enough you start to see many repetitive principles of truth appearing over and over amongst the people.

One of these for me is watching the results of someone's life who kept choosing to become more and more self absorbed. They never turned back and became a blackhole of misery. And as they say misery loves company. Always spreading all that poison all over all around them because all You people are the problem, only I am righteous and suffering and so it's my right to destroy your life the way you destroyed mine. That person ended in suicide... Their life and death caused so much collateral damage...

Now I see an entire political party and conglomeration of tech giants and I dont know all what else but millions if not billions of deceived people going down the same self absorbed, self destructive path that has already sealed thier fate for all who don't escape the lies by the grace of God...

Jesus said pray for your enemies...

If we focus on saving souls, Jesus will save the nation.

*Ezekiel‬ ‭37:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬* “Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.”

*37:4,5* The dry bones represented the people’s spiritually dead condition. Your church may seem like a heap of dry bones to you, spiritually dead with no hope of vitality. But just as God promised to restore his nation, he can restore any church, no matter how dry or dead it may be. Rather than give up, pray for renewal, for God can restore it to life. The hope and prayer of every church should be that God will put his Spirit into it (37:14). In fact, God is at work calling his people back to himself, bringing new life into dead churches.

*‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭37:26-27‬ ‭NIV* “I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. I will establish them and increase their numbers, and I will put my sanctuary among them forever. My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people.”‬‬

*37:26,27* God’s promise here goes beyond the physical and geographical restoration of Israel. He promises to breathe new spiritual life into his people so that their hearts and attitudes will be right with him and united with one another. This same process is described throughout God’s Word as the cleansing and renewing of our hearts by God’s Spirit (Titus 3:4-6).

*1 John‬ ‭3:17-18‬ ‭NIV* “If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”‬‬

*3:17,18* These versus give an example of how to lay down our lives for others - to help those in need. This is strikingly similar to James teaching (James 2:14-17). How clearly do your actions say you really love others? Are you as generous as you should be with your money, possessions, and time?