Hesed @GoodToughStuff@dingdash.com

@sinbach, how quickly they grow up! Praying for him, and you at home with all the change and adjustments that entails. For the the blood of Jesus, and His hedge of protection for you all to be remembered and joy and peace to be part of your daily walk.

@MiBurrito brother, thank you for connecting with me. I am sad to say I do not have any German language skills. But it is good to hear from you.

@sinbach Thank you for explaining. I suppose growth problems are good problems to have. For my future reference, I think you said the name of the person/place to ask technical questions. Can you tell me who/where that is again, please?

@HollySaxby Now I want to go back to your story. There is so much to say. Your parental starting point in life sounds so awful. When I read that their divorces caused your family to 'shatter into a thousand pieces' I felt that pain in my own gut.

And then to hear that they went to court over your custody. How must that have felt to you and your brothers?

I have a very UK-Centric knowledge of South African politics, so forgive my naivety here, but it did sound exciting that your mother was part of a courier chain for letters to your future Prime Minister. I guess the life of fear was not a good environment to live in for you though. Horrible to to have an ideological war between your parents to add to all the other disagreements.

I've just seen you were private-school educated. Did what I said ring any bells for you? Were there any boarders in the school?

I also note that you too are a second child. I think being a second child has a particular affect on us.

@HollySaxby Ive been reflecting on why I have felt so free to share with you. When I watched your videos, it struck me how important it was for everyone to be heard. Even me. I have found that impossible to accept until recently. So thank you. The ‘listening anointing’ on you and your ministry is so powerful. Praise God.

@HollySaxby I've written so much that DingDash is throttling back my ability to write any more, or even like your replies. I may be delayed while I let my account cool down!

Now I've told my story, It becomes clearer to me what the shame was about: I had been raised to be a good 'Englishman' and not be emotional, "big boys don't cry" "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" etc. Yet I was hurting inside. Terribly. It made me more sensitive to the suffering of others, and I compared my own suffering to theirs, and I thought that my story was 'a walk in the park' compared to theirs. So I told myself what I had so often been told by my parents and teachers: "Stop being wet" "Toughen up" "Man up". in other words, I learnt to believe that my own suffering was not important enough to be heard. Nobody wanted to listen. Everyone had enough problems of their own, without having to listen to mine. So I felt ashamed to be aware of my own suffering. And learnt to hide it. More and more effectively. I became so good at it, now when I open up, people can hardly believe me, because I appear so 'together'. It's not good. It's not true.